Why I’ll Never Make Another New Year’s Resolution

Acceptance is the first step to lasting change.  While it’s a common to think that change happens through trying or force, it’s actually that changes comes through the power of awareness.  When you resonate at a frequency of integrity and contentment, you don’t have to try to change things.  Instead, you will attract what you want without forceful efforting.  Again, change doesn’t happen through trying, it happens through cultivating a deeper understanding of yourself.

This year, don’t make resolutions. Set an intention to accept yourself exactly as you are. 

When I was single and longing for a partner, looking for the “right person” was an almost daily project, a consistent focus of my attention.  It started to feel like the harder I tried to find a partner, the more I looked, the further it was from my grasp — and the more I suffered.

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One day I realized I needed to stop focusing on trying and searching, but instead focus on accepting.  I had to find a way to accept that I could be single for the rest of my life; never get married, have a family, or buy a house with my partner.  I had to accept all these possibilities and find a way to be ok with them.  Really ok with them.  For this one I really needed to dig deep, and initially, this was one of the hardest tasks I’d ever undertaken.

Once I cultivated a ‘so-be-it’ attitude toward my life, a funny thing happened.  When I wasn’t begging the universe to offer me something it wasn’t, or to rescue me from my aloneness, I had the space to cultivate a deeper intimacy with myself.  I cooked delicious meals alone, went to more yoga classes, deeply connected with friends, finally sat down and read East of Eden by John Steinbeck, a book that had been on my list for years.  One day I woke up and realized I was perfectly content.

Somehow in dropping the project of changing my reality, and accepting it instead, I became more attractive to potential partners.  I was not grasping for anything. I had a sweet sovereignty over myself.

Turns out being at peace worked like a magnet to attract the partner I had been longing for. 

Within weeks of changing my relationship to my situation, I met an amazing man and we embarked on a new relationship that is based on true feelings, collaboration, love, interdependence, and acceptance…  — not desperation.

So this new year, try letting go of your agendas, your resolutions, and your efforts to change what is.  If you must use effort, use it in the direction of accepting yourself as you are, without trying to change it.

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“The curious paradox is that I accept myself as I am.  Then I can change” —Carl Rogers

Comments
  • Alice Diamond
    Reply

    Thank you, Lesley, for this pearl and for sharing your personal story. This is a valuable gift. I will do my best to make it my reality too.

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